He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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