I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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