I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
