idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
