woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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