if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
