so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my shit smells like andre
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
