you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
