Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
