My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
