Betty ford says i'm here all night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize