apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
