Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
