He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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