This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
