the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize