he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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