I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
