ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
