A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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