Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
