Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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