lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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