just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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