Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
