He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
