i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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