Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
