it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize