i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
