I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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