i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
