went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
