I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
