dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
