we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
