i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
