So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
