Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
