p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
