How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
