R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
