Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize