Come see our sink grown plant.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
