his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
