Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
