we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
