Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
