if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
