I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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