think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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