By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
