you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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