So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
