am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
