guys are not supposed to queef...right?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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