I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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