I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
