Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
