If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
