Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
