I'm gonna have a badass scar
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize