i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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