i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
