Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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