Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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