I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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