For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
