You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize