I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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