i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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