Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
