I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
