I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
