under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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