sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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