Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
