I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
