i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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