He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
