I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
