i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
