I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
