Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
