I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
