We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
