absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
