Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
