I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
false alarm. still invincible.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
