my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
