I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
