Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
