I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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