I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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