how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
