I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
