Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
