Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dude. I can hear the air.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
