no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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