i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
