I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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