My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
