Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
