Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
