Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
