haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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