I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
