we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
