I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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