If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
